The pain of changing is less.......

So here I am at 3 months since I decided to start this incredible lifestyle change.  I had my 3 month weigh in on Thursday and have lost 41 lbs.  Words cannot express what I felt at the deepest parts of my being when I saw that number on the scale.  Now, I know that I should not place such a high value on a number on a computer screen, but each one of those lost lbs has been accompanied by hours in the gym and a completely new way of eating.  The height of this emotional win lasted all of about 18 hours.  About 3pm on Friday afternoon, I had this realization.  My first goal weight of 350 lbs is roughly the same as what I weighed in High School!  Now, the one thing that I have not shared with you is that I have known for a long time that I needed to make this decision.  I knew that I needed to make this decision when I started running on Thanksgiving break during my 8th grade year of Middle School--300 lbs.  I knew that I needed to make this decision when I was working out during gym class my Freshman year in High School--320 lbs.  I knew I needed to make this decision when I started working out my senior year at Auburn--383 lbs.  I knew that I needed to make this decision every single time I moved to a new apartment complex and specifically searched out complexes with nice fitness centers--400+ lbs .  I knew that I needed to make this decision when I bought my first bike while I was living in Nashville--460 lbs.  If you follow the trend, you will see that I have gained 105 lbs since I graduated from Auburn on May 15, 2005!  At this point,
I got so mad at myself that I got sick at my stomach.  You see, the feelings of knowing what I should do but yet feeling so sorry for myself that I did nothing about it was sickening to me.  After diving in to this a little more, I realized that this could be the missing piece of the puzzle.  The pain of changing had become less than the pain of staying the same.  Life as I had been living it up until June 17th of 2011 was not worth living......and I was slowly committing suicide one bite at a time.  I have been working out, changing my diet, seeing results, and now the missing piece of the puzzle......a hatred of my current state.   Now, the decision has to be what I have decided to do with that hatred....it can either paralyze me or I can use it as the fuel to keep going.  I am making the decision to use it as fuel!  Yesterday, I pulled my Specialized Tricross Sport out of the office and took it in for a service.  I plan on beginning to ride again.  I also ordered a pair of shoes to stop the blisters on the bottoms of my feet.  All of this pain in gym has been and will continue to be worth it!!